Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I'm bummed! Well nothing new. It's "only" my workpile. First off would be socpsych Journal II which is due on Monday and which I have not written a word of. Also I've realise I sort of don't have much time to work on it. See, tomorrow school ends at six and right after that I've got the FMSS interview (which I will hopefully ace. I also hope I don't weird out my interviwers because weirding out people is something I do unsconsciously sometimes). And on Friday there is CI presentation and evening there is Amiril's birthday party which I may or may not be going to. Saturday morn and afternoony should be free but I will probably wake up at 11am, and also there is the Project Auction Love briefing to attend at 6pm!!! So that leaves Sunday. Superb!
I would go into the other projects but I am in enough despair as it is and talking about them would be dangerous.
Today was one exhuasting day. Woke up at 6.20am, nearly passed out from the dizziness of not having enough sleep. Radio Prod for three whole hours but it was quite fun, I suppose. Listening to other students' work. Finally got back our assignments and I guess I'm averaging a B minus now. Went home and collapsed onto the bed and got some shut-eye but everyone kept barging into the room or making a racket. My dog kept randomly coming into my room, pant loudly, nudge my foot in annoyance because he doesn't like it whenever people stop moving because he'll feel alone and when I closed the door, my dad kept knocking on the door and asking me to eat my lunch. I slept for less than an hour, anyway, and then I finally got up, ate some food and did some music theory homework.
I feel like giving up the music thing now. I don't foresee myself using it at all. And I just like playing, playing the piano and guitar. Making music. Not trying to hear it in my mind or writing it out. I don't need a bloody score. And I don't want to write one. And I don't care for an appaciacatura, except that it is an Italian word. It drives me nuts, counting, adding up, giving names, transposing, memorizing. Things that aren't even numbers.
Anyway. I had a piano lesson afterward. As usual we didn't touch the piano, we just did theory exam papers. Screw theory. Maybe if I wanted to be like Howard Shore I would relish the chance but I clearly threw that future away, now.
After piano I did a bit of reading, research for writcom and Warbook-ed, and then went for a swimming lesson where I swallowed sh*tloads of bitter swimming pool water (!), and was told that my frogstyle was haywire.
And I planned to start on my socpsych at 10.15 and it's almost 11 now and I haven't done anything. What's more, I'm going to look at Tokio Hotel's latest video in a mo.
Urghh I hate being torn. Well not literally though yes, I suppose that would be painful and I would certainly hate that too. I mean emotionally wise, of course... Everytime I try to decide something, I hear Frodo, aka Elijah Wood, saying to Sam, "You cannot always be torn in two, Sam." Right on, but it can't be solved so easily. I used to like making decisions because unlike most people my age - we're talking about when I was a child - the most important thing was the consequences and I focused on that. This side, that side, every aspect explored. Yes, I was pretty bossy. Hey, I'm a Leo. Big hair, TERRIBLE temper, stubborn for the sake of being right, proud (but not arrogant. I think. I hope.). And then I found that things weren't as easy to solve anymore. I started believing in things, anyway, including morals, and they dictated what I would choose and sometimes the decisions were stupid! So. I started leaving things to chance, and other people and things took off from there. Because I couldn't make a choice without worrying and sometimes they were so hard to make.
i thought the world of you
10:32 PM
